Root canal or networking event? What would you choose? If I let my introverted brain choose, it would be a root canal, hands down. It craves the comforts of home and quiet, with limited people interactions. People I don’t know are off the menu. However, my more enterprising business self recently checked under the couch cushions to see if new clients were waiting there. She returned with the grim news: no new clients there. The harsh reality is that if I want to build a business, I need to meet new people; imagine that!

In that light, I’ve joined my local Chamber of Commerce to get ‘out there’ on a more regular basis. My more ambitious self signed up for a ‘Member Mingle’ event in mid-January. On the morning of the event, my introverted brain quickly grew cranky and irritated, imagining the horrors of being in a room full of people I hadn’t yet met. Thankfully, my best friend Leslie called at just the right time. She patiently listened to me moan and groan about the horrors of networking. She then invited me to think about why I was attending the event. What was my goal? And what would I do after the event?

I spent the next 30 minutes thinking about what I wanted to get out of the event. I created a plan to limit traffic and weather chitchat and move on to more thoughtful conversations. I set three goals, listed possible conversation questions for my new acquaintances, and listed my follow-up plan for each.

With a plan in place, my nerves calmed. I was ready! Placing a printed copy in my purse, I got in my car and silently thanked Leslie for her support and guidance.

Walking into the distillery, I noticed darkened windows to one side and a line of people at the bar opposite while A-ha’s ‘Take on Me’ played in the background. My old friend anxiety tapped me on the shoulder and made herself comfortable. Slowing my breath and refocusing, I signed in and pinned my nametag to my sweater.

High above the wall behind the bartender, the movie 2001 - A Space Odyssey played silently, with the famous stewardess scene navigating the moon flight in zero gravity. Returning my attention to the event, a chamber member stood alone on the other side of the room, and I walked over. We introduced ourselves. He worked in media and was also a new dad. I oohed and aahed at the adorable toddler photos he shared. It was easy to connect and talk about the joys/challenges of parenthood. A few minutes later, we were joined by another new member, also in the media industry.

Eventually, I excused myself, as I could proudly check off two of my goals: meet two new people. That wasn’t so hard. It was now time for my third goal: connect with the membership leader and discuss offering a workshop at the Chamber. I walked over to her, and she remembered me from an earlier meeting. Sharing my workshop idea with her, we agreed to connect offline to see what was possible. Goal 3 accomplished!

I took a breath to slow things down. The anxiety was still there, I was still way out of my comfort zone, but I had neither fainted nor dropped dead. It was possible to function outside of my comfort zone! Pleased with having reached my goals, I walked to the restroom to rest my nervous system. I could stay longer (my overachieving brain nudged me in this direction), but today was about acknowledging progress. In the end, I chose to leave the event, pleased that I had met my goals and could set larger goals for next time.

I now think of networking as a muscle. The first time I use it, the strength won’t be apparent, and I’ll be sore afterwards. But with regular workouts, the idea of approaching someone I don’t know and having a conversation becomes less intimidating.

While people say ‘everyone at a networking event is just as uncomfortable as you, you just can’t see it’, this doesn’t help me. When anxiety kicks in, no amount of logic can talk me into a state of calm. Introverted brains are wired differently and are easily overstimulated (music, people, drinks in a bar atmosphere). They exhaust their mental energy more quickly than extroverted brains.

Nevertheless, it’s important to get out there and meet people. I now have a plan template that makes this easier for me. This year, I will exercise my new muscle and see how strong it can get. I will also acknowledge progress and schedule plenty of recovery time post-event.

I now wonder: how many new people will be in my network by the end of the year? What will change because I’ve met them?

Networking - A Space Odyssey

cynthia lait

Networking - A Space Odyssey

Contemplating Time

cynthia lait