Winter Gardening

Winter gardening is definitely an acquired taste. It's cold, things are wet and slimy, and you get to garden in between the raindrops.  But there are rewards!  Last weekend, we had a couple of days where the temperatures rose to 50 degrees F (10C) and the sun made a brief visit to my neighborhood. I decided to venture into my garden to do some cleanup.  I put on my gardening shoes, a warm beanie and a jacket, pulled my gardening tools out from the garage and got to work.  One of the major winter tasks is to move plants, as here in the Pacific Northwest, the ground gets very dry in the summer and it's impossible to dig. In the winter, the soil is much looser and malleable. It also allows plants to recover in relatively damp conditions, so the transplant cycle isn’t as risky.

These volunteers are left over from lat year. I think I may be growing peas this spring!

I started digging and pruning bushes and plants I had been overlooking since late November.  It was a messy job.  As I continued cutting back dormant plants and grasses, the shapes in my garden began to appear. But the more I pruned, the more there was to prune.  I lost track of time finding myself totally engrossed with the possibilities of my garden.  We gardeners, a hopeful lot, believe that with care and attention, our seeds, bulbs, and plants will return our affections with vegetation, flowers, fruits, and vegetables. 

Partially thinned out iris bed. There’s still work to do!

Finally, my two paper yard bags were full and I carried them down to the yard waste bin.  The sun was near the horizon (it was 4:30pm)  and it was time to call it a day. I had made some progress, yet there was so much more work to do.  But I felt a huge sense of satisfaction: I had started this work.  I discovered that winter gardening wasn't as hard as I imagined it to be, and the next day, I took pride in seeing my front yard just a little bit neater.   I was investing in my garden’s potential, the promise of spring.

A partially pruned hydrangea awaiting warmer days

Of course, you guessed it, there are many coaching parallels.  Coaching is a hopeful business, working with clients on different aspects of their lives, seeing growth in some areas, and dormancy in others.  With care and attention, many clients blossom and grow into the best versions of themselves.  Some are like bulbs and need a dormancy period. Others quickly find their groove and bear abundant fruit!  In any case, both coaching and gardening are incredibly satisfying experiences for myself, my clients, and my plants.

What lies dormant within you?
What parts of you need nurturing so that you blossom in the next few months?

Grape hyacinths just waiting for the right time to bloom

On another note, one of my goals for 2023 is to try new things:  I'm taking Zumba classes!  I'm finding them very challenging, but fun.  Here's what that looks like.

Without this thought...

As we move toward 2023, I've been lucky enough to enjoy a few days of contemplation.  I've been asking myself, what would I like to bring into 2023, and what would I like to leave behind in 2022?  What recurring thoughts do I have that do not support the future I want for myself?

The Kelpies, Falkirk, Scotland

 One of my clients is a manager. She wanted to be a stronger, more dynamic leader.  As we worked together, she spent a lot of time doubting her abilities and self-confidence.  One day during a coaching session, I asked her 'who would you be without that thought?' (from the work of Byron Katie).  She paused and took a few minutes to answer.  'I would be a better leader and wouldn't be afraid of making mistakes.' This was her insight. She could choose to continue doubting herself and thinking about how she might be messing things up, or she could lead and learn from her experiences.  In the last few months, she's seen herself step into the leader she wants to be and surprising herself with how well things are going.

On the road to Loch Lomond, Scotland

I have many thought patterns that don't serve me.  One of them is the thought 'I am bored' or 'This is boring'.  It sneaks up on me when I'm doing administrative tasks at work, or doing a chore at home.  Who would I be if I didn't allow myself to think that thought?  What if I redirected my mind, so that when the thought comes up, I acknowledge it, let it go, and ask myself, 'How can I appreciate this, or make it more fun?'. 

I've started doing this while cleaning my kitchen.  I appreciate the warm water on my hands while washing my pots and pans.  I appreciate my dishwasher while it cleans the rest of my dishes.  Not everyone has water, electricity, or a dishwasher.  I appreciate cleaning my white counters, as my previous kitchen counter was black and I could never tell when it was clean. Now, with my white counters, I can clean them and appreciate the beautiful shine.  I also appreciate that I take the time to clean the kitchen the night before so that I have a fresh, clean kitchen to start my day.

I just experienced the 'I don't feel like it, it's too hard' thoughts about 20 minutes ago. I knew I had to write this newsletter, but fell into my habit of, 'I don't feel like writing, it's too hard.' So I started with a few words.  And then a few more.  And now, look at what I have: a newsletter entry, and a feeling of satisfaction that I followed through. It wasn't that hard, and I hope you'll find this helpful.

As we approach 2023,  I am choosing to leave these thoughts behind in 2022:

• This is boring

• I don't feel like it

• This is too hard

I am replacing them with

• How can I appreciate what I have?

• What if I just start a little bit?

• How can I make this more fun?'

What thoughts are you leaving behind in 2022?
Wishing you a wonderful 2023 with many successes ahead of you!

Cynthia
p.s. Here's a beautiful rendition of 'The Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond'.  Wonderful memories of an incredible trip this past November.

Kayaker on Loch Lomond, Scotland

One hundred and one steps

Le Rocher de la Vierge - Biarritz, France - 2022

I was recently in Biarritz, France working remotely and spending time with family. I'm the oldest of 11 cousins and they're all grown up. It's amazing to reconnect as adults and share more about our life choices, dreams, and goals.

I stayed at an Airbnb in Biarritz very close to an old landmark, 'Le Rocher de la Vierge'. This landmark has been on my mind since childhood.  It's a statue of the Virgin Mary built atop an outcrop of stone in 1867.  The story goes that on a dark and stormy night, a whaling ship was trying to return to shore, but was struggling to navigate safely due to the darkness.  The coastline here is incredibly rocky and dangerous and sailors aboard the ship thought they were headed for death. Suddenly, a miraculous bright light appeared showing them a safe path home to port and they navigated to safety.  In thanks for their safe return, they erected this statue as a show of their gratitude and faith.

My story starts much later.  The stone outcrop is accessible via a 75-meter-long narrow wooden and steel bridge.  Since childhood, I've always been afraid of heights and never dared cross that bridge. I would regularly go by that landmark when my grandmother took us to the beach in the summer. I was curious about what it would be like to walk over there but never dared to cross that bridge. Friends would urge me to go with them, but I steadfastly refused. The bridge was too long, the crashing waves beneath were too frightening.  I imagined the ocean would swallow me whole.

Bridge to the Rocher

During this recent visit to Biarritz, I decided to challenge this story. How long would I let an old, irrational fear stop me? On my early morning walk, I passed by the statue and decided it was time to try the bridge. I grabbed the handrail, focused on the endpoint, and started stepping forward, counting my steps.  One, two, three….

My lizard brain shifted into panic mode: "it's so high... the waves are loud...  this is too scary... run back...! " 

I continued counting my steps with my prefrontal cortex:   "twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five…" and thought: "I'm 25% there, keep stepping.  Breathe in, breathe out."

My lizard brain continued its refrain: 'Turn back, you're going to fall, it's too dangerous!' 
"Fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three….breathe in, breathe out."

The cacophony in my brain drowned out the sound of the waves while I continued to focus on the statue and took one step at a time.  I was determined to make it across that bridge.  Two minutes later (which seemed an eternity!), I had made it to the end: 101 steps. The bridge didn't collapse, no one drowned, and I arrived safely.  One hundred and one steps, that's all it was.

On the other side!

I took a few minutes to appreciate this accomplishment. I faced a 61-year-old fear, one that I had carefully nurtured every time I passed by the Rocher de la Vierge. It was a story I had been telling myself forever, which was untrue. Over the next several days, I repeated this walk, to remind myself that not all of my beliefs are true and to become accustomed to this new comfort zone. In the process, I saw some incredible sights.

Sunrise over Biarritz - 2022

Looking back on this experience, I wondered: what other fears do I actively nurture to keep me 'safe'?  What is safety?  What stories am I collecting that keep me stuck in old, familiar patterns?  What imagined dangers have I created that no longer serve me?  It's natural to have a library of stories in our minds collected after years of experience.  We reach conclusions and gather learnings as we experience life.  But sometimes, stories can be skewed.  The limbic/lizard brain's job is to identify possible dangers and to magnify them so that we take as few risks as possible: "Stay safe!  Don't try anything new or different!  There's possible danger there!"
 
But as the saying goes, a ship was built to go out to sea.  You can keep it in the harbor, with 100% safety, but then it's not doing what it was meant to do.  Only when it goes out to sea can it contribute to the world.

This experience has inspired me to continue to grow my comfort zone. I'm thankful to be working with my coach as we explore ways to take 101 steps in new directions.  What might be possible then?

Cynthia

The garden as coach Part 3 - Seeds

Have you ever marveled at how something as small as an acorn see can become a 100 foot tall oak tree? What about a 1/4" sunflower seed turning into 12-foot tall flower?

When working with a coach, seeds are often planted and you may not see the immediate result. But suddenly,  you find yourself shifting just a little bit and making a small change.  Those seeds of new beliefs are waiting to be nurtured in order to start bearing fruit.

I remember learning this during my coach training. One of my mentor coaches used to say, “you don't do coaching, you are a coach”.  When she first said this, I didn't understand. I brushed the thought aside and decided it was too 'woo-woo'.  But, as I continued along in my coach training, the seed of this idea was sitting in the back of my mind, waiting for the right conditions to grow. 

During my coach mastery program, things began to change.  I was coaching a peer coach, asking all of the right questions, but we weren't getting anywhere. My client was getting frustrated, and so was I.  We ended the session unsuccessfully and I was disappointed that I had failed him as a coach.  Upon reviewing the recording with my mentor coach, she told noted that I was asking many of the right coaching questions. However, I wasn't being a coach.  I was in my head going through the list of questions, but my client wasn't being heard.  I wasn't present nor listening to my client. 

Finally, a light bulb went off and my coaching did a 180-degree turn.  In my next coaching session, I became a present coach.  I held space for, listened to, and partnered with my client.  I asked questions that made sense and helped my client find her best solution.  I was being a coach.  It took about 6 months for that seed to germinate and grow, and now it's one of my core values as a coach. 

In another example, I was working with a client who had a habit of creating negative stories about happenings in her life. During one coaching session, I asked: 'how might you reframe that?'.  She rolled her eyes, sighed, and gave me that 'you're such a Pollyanna' look. However, she took the time to reframe her story in a more positive light.  This happened two or three times during the course of our coaching. 

It wasn't a big, life-changing question. But here's where things got interesting:  She started to get into the habit of reframing. She would catch her brain doing what it does naturally:  looking for signs of danger and focusing on those negative aspects. She then started redirecting her thoughts in a more positive way.  Soon, things started to shift for herself and her business.  Instead of 'I haven't found any new clients today', her language moved to 'I made 5 outbound calls to potential clients and they may decide to hire me in the future.'  This acorn of thought was growing solid roots and a strong trunk!

It's so exciting to watch clients shift and connect with who they want to become. What seeds do you want to plant in your brain that might support the future you want for yourself?

The garden as coach Part 2 - Root bound

Have you ever known someone who, despite lackluster results, continues to use the same solution to new problems?  I’ve seen this occasionally when walking in an area with street lights and crosswalks. A person pushes the Walk button and waits for traffic to stop. If it doesn’t happen within a few seconds, they push the button again. And again. I’ve actually seen a grown man put his whole weight into pushing the button, leaning into the pole, assuming that this will magically change the light. They’re using a behavior they know works (pushing the button) with the hope that this will change the light more quickly.

We laugh at this example, but none of us are immune from this behavior. How many of us (including myself) overspend, overdrink, overeat, overwork, oversleep, over-you name it? The behavior that has brought us some results in the past is expected to bring us all of our results in the future.

Returning to the garden analogy, this is very much like a potted plant that's root bound.  The plant grows a root system to bring much-needed water and nutrients to the plant, and at some point, there's a limit to the water supply.  So it grows more roots in search of additional water.  But the pot boundaries hold the plant firmly in place.  The end result is a large network of roots in a limited area, and the plant starts to limit its growth.

I had a client who was looking for work and was very frustrated with the process. He had been applying online to different roles and finding that no one ever called back. He was putting in a lot of effort with little to no results. He was frustrated, angry, and depressed. To him, it didn't make sense. This had worked for him during his college years when applying to roles at his university.  Why wasn’t it working now?

After some coaching, he tried some new strategies:

• He started better self-care habits, to keep his energy up during this challenging time.

• He grew his network and connected with people beyond his nearest friends.

• He discovered that talking to colleagues and connections was immensely helpful. They provided insights into posted and non-posted roles.

• He also started considering a greater variety of roles that he had previously felt weren't a fit.

After a few months of expanding his point of view, he landed a role that was well aligned with his values and enabled him to be fully in control of his future. He grew his self-confidence, knowing that he now had the ability to find and get a role that met his career goals (not to mention, during a pandemic! What a great sense of achievement.

Sunflowers, West Seattle, 2021

Working with a coach is like removing the pot that surrounds your thinking. Soon after the pot's been removed and the plant is in a new environment, roots grow well beyond the initial limits of the pot.  The plant begins to thrive, growing tall and wide as the roots stretch to bring in new ideas and thought patterns. 

Are you in a pot and root bound?  Do you keep trying harder and harder to make something work, but not seeing the results you desire?  Might you be growing more roots while the pot continues to keep you confined?  Your coach helps you discover the blind spots and thought processes that keep you stuck. We all have them.

A good coach is your thinking partner.  We're here to help you discover your amazing capabilities.  We believe in your success, even if you've stopped believing in it.

Tulips, Keukenhof, The Netherlands, April 2019

The garden as coach Part 1 - The Overgrown Garden

It's now officially summer in the US and my garden is in full swing.  The growing season in the Pacific Northwest is short; from mid-May to mid-September.  I do a lot of thinking when I'm gardening (e.g. weeding) and I've noticed several parallels between coaching and gardening. This will be the first in a three-part series titled: The garden as a coach

Garden needing some attention, July 2022

Part 1 - The overgrown garden

Working with a new client is a bit like working in an overgrown garden. There is often a lot of potential there, including fertile soil and a few healthy plants. Most of my clients are well educated, and highly successful, with strong careers, wonderful families, healthy habits, and active social life.  But the lives of these clients also include many weedy habits such as people-pleasing, poor boundaries, over-commitment, and exhaustion.  They come to me with a desire to find clarity in their goals and to decide on next steps

The first step is to understand what's going on in their lives.  What beliefs and values are important?  Beliefs and values are often so deeply held, that they often become automatic habits and reactions.  A coach can help bring these to the surface so that you consciously see what's been driving you all these years.

Garden in progress, July 2022

 The next step is to review your beliefs and values.  Which ones are worth keeping, and which ones should be let go?  It's not always easy to recognize a weed from a plant that's worth keeping. How do your beliefs serve you today?  Are they still serving you today?  Which ones do you want to let go of?

In the third step, you'll move to deep coaching and replace old beliefs with new ones that better serve you.  This is very much akin to taking out dandelions. Dandelions have long taproots.  You have to dig a little to ensure you get the entire taproot. Removing the plant and leaving the taproot in the soil will lead to another dandelion in just a few days.

Echinacea, July 2022

Beliefs and habits that don't serve you ("This is too hard", "I'm not smart enough to do this", "I'm just going to give up on myself", "This is too much work") often have a very long taproot that started with early life experiences.  Working with a coach, you'll start replacing unhelpful beliefs with helpful ones  ("I can do this", I can figure this out", "I am resourceful", "I can do hard things").  You'll start practicing them and getting good at them. By removing the old weeds including the full root, you provide more room in your garden to grow and nurture new, helpful thoughts that support your long-term goals. 

 Through openness, a willingness to be curious and to practice new habits,  you'll be amazed at how beautiful your garden can be. To quote Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz "You've always had the power my dear". 

Crocosmia, July 2022

 I wish you a beautiful and fruitful garden this summer!

Cynthia

Self-care is setting yourself up for success

Every day, my clients teach me something new!  In recent conversations, we were looking for ways to reduce the chaos and overwhelm of running a small business. How can we streamline the process so that we stay motivated and even have fun with the business?

I'm a big believer in systems and habits that allow you to focus and continue to move forward, even when motivation wanes.  I wanted to share two tools that can be applied in any situation to help you move forward, not just in business, but whenever you're staring at a big project and wondering, 'how will I ever get this done?'.

1. Take care of future you

I must have been 8 or 9 years old, it was evening and I was in the kitchen watching my grandmother.  She had placed a large tray on the kitchen table.  On it was a silver teapot, a beautiful blue and white china teacup and saucer, a small dish filled with sugar cubes, a plate with sliced lemon, and some silverware.  She carefully arranged this welcoming tableau and placed it at the head of the table, where my grandfather usually sat.  This was his breakfast setting for the following morning. 

Reflecting on this practice, I now realize how smart she was. Rather than having to get up early and rush around the following morning, she placed everything for the next day so that her morning routine was simpler and easier. This simple act took no more than 5 minutes, and it provided a welcoming start to the next day.

I followed a similar routine when I had a studio practice. When my kids were young, I rose at 4 am and spent two hours in the studio before they got up for school. It was wonderful to have two hours of uninterrupted time working on my paintings. But my brain wasn't always as awake as I wanted it to be and some mornings were not as productive as others.  I soon started a practice at the end of each studio practice:  I made a list of the next 2-3 things I wanted to do in the studio when I returned.  Having this list sitting there at 4:10 am in the morning allowed me to easily step back into the work routine, without having to make a decision of: "I don't know where to start".  It helped me to stay focused on the most important things without relying on my mood for the day.
I've recently re-started this practice for my coaching business as well as my daily life.  Doing some simple prep work has made all the difference in the world, enabling me to keep the momentum going between work sessions.  My grandmother was on to something, I'm so glad I was paying attention.

Bonsai tree, Huntington Gardens, 2022
Years of consistent care are required for these amazing results!

2. Acknowledge and recognize yourself for past accomplishments

Another practice I've recently started is my "write down my baby steps" journal.  I found a lovely Rhodia journal that is my new secret pleasure. Inside, I write down today's date and all of the things I've done towards building my coaching practice. 

My lovely success journal!

This tool has increased my motivation in many ways.  Because the brain is wired to look for failure, it's much more common to think that little progress has been made.  But the documenting of successes helps to retrain the brain to recognize and acknowledge progress. 

By seeing progress day by day, there's more understanding of the work it takes to reach a goal. It's human nature to underestimate the work it takes to achieve a goal, and then feel impatient because things aren't going 'as they should'.  Seeing a list of tasks that you've completed toward your goals provides a sense of accomplishment as you continue forward; a sense of "I am successful!"  When you feel successful, you stay motivated to achieve larger, more complex goals.  Writing things down also ensures that we remember the work we've put into a project.

This new daily practice has had another surprising consequence.  Because I've been consistently making daily entries, I want to continue this streak of wins. Even if it's just listening to a coaching podcast or reading a coaching article. This practice reminds me of my commitment to coaching excellence and how I want to continue growing and improving daily.

So, my dear readers, I hope you find these tools helpful. I wish you a wonderful summer solstice and maybe even some time to relax and refresh.

A little neighborhood humor from West Seattle!

Is this normal?

When I was young, I remember hearing adults use the expression 'Ce n'est pas normal': translation - this isn't normal.  I don't think this was unique to the French culture, I've heard it many times over.  Adults would say this when kids did something that was unusual, unexpected or not allowed.  It was spoken in hushed tones with the expectation that this was something to be fixed.  If you overheard the adults talking about this, you were often embarrassed or felt shameful, that a part of you was broken.

Dale Chihuly - Glasshouse, Seattle

I tested the waters of 'ce n'est pas normal' many times with my French family. I was about 13-14 years old and we had just finished a Sunday family lunch. The women went into the kitchen to clean up and do the dishes and the men went into the living room to smoke and talk.  On this day, I casually walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch, not saying a word, breaking a family norm.  I watched as the men lit cigarettes and started talking about the day's news.  Soon, my uncle spotted me sitting on the couch and asked, 'why aren't you in the kitchen doing the dishes?'.   I replied ' I wanted to be here, in the living room'.  As you can probably guess, that didn't go over well. Within 30 seconds, I was sent to the kitchen to do 'women's work'.  The adults (both men and women) wondered what had gotten into me: I was not normal.

History is littered with individuals who were not only not normal, but left amazing contributions to the human race: Rosa Bonheur, Florence Nightingale, Steve Jobs, Dale Chihuly, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Rosa Parks, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gogh, Amelia Earhart, Maya Angelou.  Each of these individuals refused to be normal; they worked to find their voices, speak their truth and graced the world with their gifts.

Wayward sidewalk tulips - May, West Seattle

I never thought of myself as normal. I was the awkward American kid when I was with my French family, the shy French kid when I was in the US at school.  We moved around a bit, so I was often the new kid in school. I would watch the teacher and the other kids carefully, trying to decode and adjust to the norms in each classroom. I got very good at becoming a chameleon, working to fit in wherever I ended up, careful to not rock the boat. It was safer that way. I did the same in my professional life, trying to be like my colleagues and living up to their expectations.

However, In the last few years, I found playing it safe to be incredibly boring.  In the last few years in my corporate job, I have started to speak up and share my truth no matter how silly the question, or how much I may slow down the meeting with my comment.  I bother people with my concerns and the results are nothing short of amazing. Colleagues now thank me for asking the questions they had on their minds but were afraid to ask. Others come to me for my point of view.  I've had roles offered to me without even looking. I had no idea that speaking my truth would bring so much success. We also live in an era where it's much safer to break norms.  60 years ago, breaking norms often had serious consequences. Today, I love and appreciate this freedom.

Sunflowers from the Van Gogh Experience - Based on Vincent Van Gogh’s work

I have several young women clients, early in their careers, and the signs of traditional female socialization pop up over and over again: people-pleasing, waiting for permission, choosing roles that seem to be ‘the right next step', planning for a conventional and appropriate career. Together, we work to find their voices and uncover what they really want to achieve in their careers, not the logical next step.  What contributions do they want to make? Where can they stretch and grow, instead of staying stuck in old norms? How can they stop playing it safe and step into their unique voices? It's exciting to see clients discover aspects of themselves that have been kept dormant for years. I cheer for them as they take steps towards crafting lives of purpose and courage. My clients inspire me; this is why I coach. 

What extraordinary life is waiting for you on the other side of normal?

What does your heart say?

'Everyone has a default future that is not the future they want but the future that’s easy'. 
--- David Gerber

This quote got my attention. It's in the book I'm reading for my coaching book club:  When All Boats Rise: 12 Coaches on Service as the Heart of a Thriving Practice. 

We're all in search of easy.  It's a common quest and easy can be wonderful:  put your dishes in a machine and they get washed and dried in no time;  open a browser, type in amazon, order something online and it shows up in 1-2 days;  open your phone, open an app and check for the latest news stories.

When I compare my life today to what it was like 25 years ago, many things have gotten much easier and more convenient.  There's less busywork, less routine work.  But I've noticed something else as well.  I now want and expect everything to be easy and comfortable.  And when things are hard, I'm less inclined to do them. They take more energy and more drive.

In talking with my fellow book club coaches, this seems to be a common phenomenon.  We're having to dig deeper to do things that are a little harder.  How do we stay motivated?  How do we maintain our drive when things get uncomfortable or challenging? How uncomfortable do things have to get before we make a change?

As coaches, one of the foundational questions we ask clients is 'Why is this important?'.  This question helps a client reconnect to their heart and the intent behind their goal.  This is where drive and motivation live. It's the person they are striving to be, their better self, but haven't yet realized on a consistent basis.

As we continued the book club conversation, I realized that when motivation wanes, I'm spending too much time in my head.  As mentioned before in previous stories, the brain wants things to be simple and easy.  But if I reconnect with my heart and its desires, a new story emerges.   That's where my passion lies.  I can try to use all the logic in my brain about why something is hard, but when I ask my heart, I reconnect with who I want to be. It knows what to do.

My brain prefers the easy future, the default future.  My heart sees the road filled with fear, discomfort, awkwardness, and not knowing,  and says 'Giddy-up!'.  

I wish you a heart-centered day/week/life.

Snowy morning in Stockholm

"The heart wants what it wants, or else it does not care,"
--- Emily Dickinson

Lagom and the Courage Project

I was recently in Stockholm on business and had an amazing stay. In preparing for my trip, came across the word lagom. Translated literally, it means just the right amount. What I noticed about Swedish culture was a lack of constantly striving for more, for bigger and better, and a focus on equity and individualism. People waited patiently in lines and worked collaboratively to resolve issues. This historic city was snowy, welcoming, and beautiful; I can't wait to go back!

It's been about two months since I launched the Courage Project, and I wanted to share five lessons I've learned along the way: 

1. Taking on courage challenges was so much more fun with a friend; we met every Friday to talk about our progress. We shared our fears and challenges, nudged each other when we made excuses, supported each other when things were challenging, and held each other accountable. My accountability partner has been the best part of this experience.
   Note to self: Challenges are more fun and doable with other people.

2. It turns out that my fear is a master of disguise. It has masqueraded as procrastination, being too busy, discomfort, anxiety, and my personal favorite: overwhelm.
   Note to self: when these excuses start to appear, there's a fear that needs addressing.

3. One of the items on my list was to post a small flyer about my coaching business in local businesses. My gym has a community bulletin board, so I started there. On the drive to the gym, I could hear my brain creating all sorts of crazy stories about why this wasn't a good idea: the woman at the front desk will laugh at me; everybody will call me and I won't know how to handle so many clients; nobody will call me and I will be a failure; the entire West Seattle community will roll their eyes when they see me. Finally, I made myself get out of my car and go inside. I asked the woman at the front desk if it was possible to post something on the back bulletin board. She smiled and said 'Of course, please go ahead'. Encouraged, I walked to the bulletin board and put my flyer up. I thanked her as I left and smiled all the way to my car. I had done it. It felt so powerful. How could I have let something so simple become such a stumbling block?
   Note to self: things are rarely as awful as I play them out in my head.

4. Another challenge was talking to my coaching clients about money. I was raised in an environment where it wasn't polite to talk about money and I was uncomfortable asking for my coaching fee. It wasn't that I lacked confidence in my abilities (1.5 years of training, 150+ hours of coaching). It was that I enjoyed the process of coaching so much, why would people pay me to do this? But as I looked at other professionals, I saw that my plumber didn't mind asking to get paid, neither did my electrician nor my veterinarian. I then practiced my coaching fee conversation with a couple of friends and found that it got easier the more I practiced it.
   Note to self: When clients pay for coaching, they are more committed and invested in making progress.

5. As I took on more challenges, I found myself hesitating less in all areas of my life. Each small success resulted in less fear for the next challenge. I spent less time imagining how scary the challenge would be and instead, focused my energy on what was needed to meet the challenge.
   Note to self: Small, consistent courage habits helped me to expand my comfort zone and increased my confidence.

As I wrap up the Courage Project, I am thankful to my accountability partner and to you. Knowing that I had to share the results of this project, I stayed with it, even when I was discouraged or just 'didn't feel like it'.

Here's to Spring as we start to see warmer days, and hopefully leaving the pandemic behind us.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

View from above

I recently attended a webinar where speaker James Garrett talked about the courage habit and how most humans respond to fear.  When a human perceives danger, they will usually:

1. Freeze to process new information

2. Look for opportunities to flee from the situation and find safety

3. If there's no out, they will fight

In the modern-day world, most of the dangers we face are not life-threatening. However, this default brain mechanism is still fully operational.  Perceived threats trigger a fear response and we often find ourselves regretting the actions taken (or not taken) at that time. 

What if we could disconnect the fear response from the trigger?  What if, when something frightened us, we could take a few minutes to consider and then take appropriate, calm action.  Of course, if the threat is imminent, there isn't time to take action. However, in most cases, an immediate response isn't necessary.  

I've found that most of the fears in my head (they won't like me, they'll criticize me, I'll look stupid) are useless thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for most of my life.  And while, logically, I know most aren't true, they do get in the way of my moving forward.   

Lamy, New Mexico

Courage isn't something you're born with;
courage is something you build. 

Every month, when I write this essay, I am disconnecting the false belief that 'nobody cares what I have to say',  from the trigger of sending a newsletter.  After last week's webinar, I wondered, how else do I hold myself back?  Where do I procrastinate and make excuses?

I've decided to challenge myself this year. Starting in February, a friend and I are starting our Courage Project.  We are challenging each other to do one fearful thing a week to see what happens. We'll have 12 challenges, 12 results, with weekly check-ins. I'll report back in future newsletters!

How are you building your courage muscle this year?

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek" 
--Joseph Campbell
 

p.s. If you're afraid of rejection (and who isn't?), Jia Jing has written a great book called Rejection Proof.  For 100 days, he challenged himself to seek out a multitude of rejections.  Jia's TED Talk.  

The future: so many unknowns...

When talking with a friend, the conversation started going down the path of lamenting the state of the pandemic and its effect on the world. After a few minutes, I changed the subject as it was going nowhere fast.

Afterward, I sat myself down and used a technique I had learned a while back. It involves drawing a line down the middle of a page. I label one side: Things I can't control and the other side: Things I can control. As I finished the list, I realized that there was a lot I could control!

I saw that even though there are restrictions, I still have the ability to manage my future. In that light, I wanted to share a great free tool that I've been using for some time now: Futureme.org.  The process is simple: you write an email to your future self and schedule when you want it to arrive in your Inbox.  It almost sounds too easy, but if you're goal-oriented like me, it works like a charm! 

I use this process to set monthly goals for my business.  On the first of the month, I make a list of what I want to accomplish by the end of the month.  I then go to Futureme.org and write myself an email, congratulating myself on the success of those goals.  I step into my future self and imagine having achieved those goals.  I offer myself a hearty congratulations, then get to work.

When I receive the email at the end of the month, I enjoy reading what I wrote and allow myself to celebrate my achievements.  I don't always achieve everything I set out to do, but it's nice to get the acknowledgment!

Many studies find that writing down your goals makes it much more likely that you'll achieve them.  When keeping goals in your head, they're usually fuzzy, indeterminate, and easy to forget.  For me, writing down goals is the key to making them happen because I get specific about exactly what needs to happen. 

The beauty of writing monthly goals is that my goals are now clear, specific, and attainable.  I take small, manageable steps every month.  When living through a pandemic with an uncertain future, it's nice to know that t I have complete control over something!

With this process, I've prepared for and passed my coaching oral exam, passed the written Coach Knowledge Assessment, and am now an Associate Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation.  I've delivered monthly newsletters all year long, have launched a coaching mastermind group, and am now launching two new coaching projects for 2022.  All during a pandemic, while working full time and selling/buying/moving into a new home.

It's been an action-packed year for me. I'm thankful that each of you has been along for the ride. Thank you for your incredible support and encouragement on this journey. Your kind email responses after you get this newsletter, your willingness to try coaching, and your encouragement along the way have fueled me as I build this practice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Here's wishing you a 2022 filled with more positive news, good health, and the ability to visit with family and friends. What might you envision for yourself in 2022?