In October 2024, I waited for my train at the Rennes, France, train station. The station was slightly chaotic, as a tree had fallen on one of the tracks and there were unintelligible announcements, delays, and cancellations. I was lucky, my trip was spared, and I had an hour ahead of me. I bought a slice of warm quiche and found an empty table to enjoy my lunch, the last clean, open table in the area. The one next to me was empty, but the previous guest had failed to clean up after themselves, so I chose the clean one.

Within a few minutes of sitting down, a middle-aged woman came by holding her lunch tray, scanning the tables. She settled on the one next to mine and moved the old tray and wrappers to the trash can area. Irritated about having to bus someone else's table, she complained aloud: 'What is wrong with people, why can't they clean up after themselves?' along with a few other complaints. I sat quietly at my table watching her and decided to keep to myself. She was having a rough day, and there was nothing I could do to help her.

As I continued with my quiche, she looked over at me and asked:

'Where are you going today?'

'Paris,' I responded, ' I'm meeting a friend. How about you?'

' I was on the train to Nantes, but a tree fell on the tracks and they canceled my train. They're now making arrangements to get us there by bus.’

'I'm so sorry to hear that,' I continued, 'that must be frustrating'.

' Yes, it is, now I have another two-hour delay added to my trip. Not only that...' and she started to tell me all of the challenges she was facing in her life: a death in the family, managing the disputed estate, two years of unemployment, and uncertainty about next steps for her career. I listened and nodded as she shared her stories for the next 20 minutes. She was indeed facing some big challenges.

She then asked me what I did.

'I'm a career strategy coach, I help women find their superpowers and make the most of their lives and careers. I'm American, but visiting my family here in France.'

She was quiet.

She then asked, 'I wonder, would you be able to coach me?'

I smiled. 'Of course. The challenges you're facing are not insurmountable, and you'd be amazed at what you can do when there's a quiet space for you to think things through with a coach.'

We exchanged contact information, and she prepared to leave.

I stopped her and said, 'Before we coach together, I'd like to invite you to think about one thing: if everything in your life was going well, what would that look like?'.

She paused, thought about this, and nodded.

We wished each other a 'bon voyage'.

Ten minutes later, she came back to find me at my table. 'What was your last question again?' she asked.

I repeated, 'If everything in your life was going well, what would that look like?'

I looked at her. Her whole countenance had shifted; her energy was more vibrant, and she looked like a different person. She smiled and walked away.

I sat at my table, amazed at what had just happened, at the power of coaching. I hadn't intended to coach her, and this wasn't a formal coaching session, but I used five key coaching skills in our 30 minutes of conversation:

I actively listened to her, with no advice whatsoever. I let her tell her story as she saw things.
I stayed present while she talked. There was nowhere for me to go, and she had my full attention.
I acknowledged she was facing challenges. This was her reality.
I allowed for silence as she went through her stories.
After hearing her challenges, I invited her to look beyond the problem and explore possible solutions.

I remember this encounter fondly. It reinforced the idea that being present, listening, and acknowledging are powerful tools.

*Issue de Secours - meaning Emergency Exit. The windows on a train are the emergency exits. October 2024*

So there's your May dare: I dare you to listen, really listen to someone in your life. By listening, I mean sit, be present, and take it in. Don't formulate your response, don't offer advice. Don't judge or try to help. And please don’t check your phone, be present! Listen fully and acknowledge what the person is experiencing. A few suggestions on what you might say when you’re listening:

'Wow, that sounds frustrating.‘
'I can see why you would feel that way.'
‘What do you mean when you say —’

That's all. You may disagree with their point of view, but that's OK. You're not there to argue, you're just there to listen and acknowledge. By doing this, you're telling the other person, 'You're important in my life and I'm here to listen'. Simon Sinek on the Art of Listening (5:12)

After you do this, explore:

What happened for you? What happened for the other person?
How did this affect the relationship (if at all)?
How did this conversation differ from your usual conversations?
Are you willing to try this again with someone else to see what happens?

I also highly recommend this a fun video (1:41) about listening.

What are your thoughts on listening and being listened to?
When was the last time you felt truly heard, and what was that like?

Dare 5 - May 2025

cynthia lait

Dare 5 - May 2025

Dare 4 - April Update

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