Are you Arguing with Reality?
Selkie waits for her cookie! August, 2025
There’s a well-known quote by Byron Katie that states:
When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.
In the last several weeks, I’ve been having major disagreements with reality. You may be aware that I have a young puppy (Selkie) in my life. My original thought was: I’ve raised two puppies in the past (Wallace and Grommit), surely I can raise and train this puppy with not much effort. She should be housebroken in 2-3 weeks - end of story.
Except that reality had a different plan. While we are making progress with the housebreaking, we are nowhere near where I’d like to be. I had ideas about how this puppy should behave based on the behaviors of my last dog, Wallace: a 13-year-old, 85 lb yellow Lab who spent a lot of time sleeping and only needed walks three times a day.
Selkie is a 12 lb highly distractible poodle with boundless puppy energy and a tiny bladder. Her bathroom habits require that we take breaks every two hours throughout the day. And oftentimes, she would rather sniff a blade of grass or bark at the errant bunny down the block rather than take care of business. Some days, I don’t mind it, but other days, I find myself getting impatient. If I try to rush her, reality laughs in my face. Selkie is a 3-month-old pup with a very young body, and she’s trying to figure herself out. She’s not worried about my needs to get on a call, work on my marketing (why this newsletter issue is two days late), or tend to my household chores.
The question becomes: how do I adjust my actions and expectations so that we’re both less frustrated with this process?
I have reduced my commitments for these first few weeks so that we can establish a routine that works for both of us.
I have taken a deep breath and become more patient, allowing her to be the adorable puppy that she is.
And finally, I have asked for help: puppy classes start on Wednesday.
My pivoting to adjust to this new reality has helped us both get closer to a peaceful home!
Time to go for a walk - 2025
This is not unlike some recent interactions I’ve had with my more experienced job search clients. Their expectations were:
I’m very experienced, so I should be able to find the same role in no time
A job search should take only 3 months
I’m only looking for a very specific full-time role at the same or higher pay with a high-status company
Today’s reality is:
Many roles that existed 20 years ago have evolved and require new skills (AI?) and new thinking. Or they no longer exist.
Today’s job market is challenging; a 12-18-month job search is not unheard of
A job pivot may be the best way forward: A contract role for the next 12 months? A less prestigious role with different responsibilities? A new role for less pay at a smaller company with the capacity to grow?
These lessons can be hard for job seekers, especially those who have been in their roles for the last 15-20 years. The job market today is different, the job search process has changed, and roles have evolved.
You’re free to get frustrated when it’s pouring outside and your dog takes her time relieving herself. But arguing with reality won’t change it.
What is your current reality, and what parts of it are hard to accept?
Who would you be without your ‘Oh poor me’ story?
Where can you find support to start exploring ways to pivot?
Hint, hint: a coach is a great source of support.
Selkie learning to relax on car rides - 2025